When I can't sleep, I think deep thoughts

Now, it has been a LONG time since I have last written here. It is Saturday, May 17, 4:19AM, and I'm wide awake and felt the strongest urge to write. I may not be the greatest writer to blog, but I you can expect honesty, and (hopefully) proper grammar. Lots has changed since I have last written, from a new edition to the family, seeing my ex Mario, and totally realizing how much my life is screwed with him around. I'm also closer to graduation, and have made new friends, and lived with new roommates. 

I have to write down what I have been thinking about lately. I turned 21 last July, and since then I can't stop thinking what I am supposed to do with my life. I think what I want long term, and what I want RIGHT NOW. 

Long Term:
1.Temple Marriage to an honest, kind man. 
2. Have children
3. Have an actual career, not a 40 hours per week Job, but a career where I can make a difference of any kind. (My major is Early Child/ Special Education) 

Short Term:
1. A meaningful relationship 
2. To feel secure
3. Find out who I am and what matters most to me

You see, I think I have my basics down when it comes to who I am. I know I am a Daughter of God, my family is everything and without them I am nothing. Right now, that is all I have. 
I made some mistakes regarding school, I didn't take care of my depression, and resulted in my not taking care of my education career. I'm going home in a few days because my education has to be put on pause. When I got the news of this, I KNEW that school really does matter to me. I pride myself in nothing but the morals taught to me by my parents and church, and what is in my mind. Why not fill my mind with knowledge, and take that knowledge and let it become wisdom? I have always liked learning, and exploring what is really out there. While scrolling on Facebook a few minutes ago I found this video. 

I do not know why this video made me melt, made me cry, and gave me something I haven't felt in awhile, Hope. This glorious (handsome) man made such an inspiring video with one word, and few videos.  MOVE. That's all he decided he say along his video, MOVE. 

Move. Move? Move, move, move, and move. This word is stuck in my head. Move. Move. 

Because of this man, I want to MOVE. He made me realize that I really don't want to let this depression to keep me in bed, to eat me alive. I WANT TO BE ALIVE. 

I decided I am going to travel. Whether its next month, or next year, it is going to happen. Why not see what God has created on this Earth, and see how Humanity has evolved. I'm going to be smart about this people, I mean I so don't want to end up in Human Trafficking. I need to figure out what I want to see, and what it is I want out my travels. All I know is that this, Traveling the World, is what I 

I'll keep you updated,

Pinky Promise.

Chocolate Cow & Vanilla Cow

So, I have been kinda depressed lately. Why? I have NO idea. I'm tired, and stressed out, and pathetically lonely. Today, while doing laundry, I found a box. A box I put away over a year ago, and one that made me think.

From the beginning.
February 2007, I became friends with a boy. When I became friends with him, I did not know that he was going to become my best friend, and I also did not know that I would fall in love with him. (hopefully he doesn't get mad over this post, but this is my THERAPY. I need to share my story. ) His name is Mario Rodriguez, and he now lives in Florida. We had been together for almost 5 years when we broke up last year.
The phrase, "I would die without my true love",  is almost true. I felt like I was going to die! But I didn't, Thank the Heavens!
Anyways, it has been a year since we have broken up. And so, the anniversary of our "brokenupness", this is a thanks to him.
I want to thank you Mario, because you have saved my life countless times. You helped me see what life is worth living for. You helped me gain a strong testimony of the gospel, one that I still have today. Thanks for sharing the love of all things Disney with me. For keeping my secrets, and telling me yours. For loving me everyday of the year, even when I did not. For being there for me even though I took you for granted.
More importantly, I want to thank you for helping me realize what love is, what love feels like. You helped me realize that I am capable to love, and the next time I fall in love, I promise you I will not take it for granted. You will always be my number one best friend, and I will always love you.

P.S.
Sorry if any of these pictures embarrass you.

Introdution.

I believe I must begin by introducing myself, especially to those who do not know me. To change things up, I am going to tell you why I am starting this blog. I have the kind of life that you may say is not that easy, or you may say that I have the kind of life that you wish you had. I am writing this blog because just a year ago, I wanted to end my life. Now, I want to live it, and share my adventures, sorrows, and knowledge I gain. I hope to make a difference in at least one persons life.

Now...
Here, you can read all about my life daily. There will be no secrets being kept from you, (well, ones that I have already told my mother).

Here, you will see how I love to dress up, dance like a dork, and worship God, because He is the one that changed my life.

My name is Ashley. and that is what you may call me.